As a leader, whether in a corporate setting or in your own business, you’re constantly making decisions.

You have to decide on the best candidate for your open role, how much to charge for your services, whether to continue with a project or put it on hold.

Not to mention the decisions you make when it comes to your personal life.

(My least favorite is, “what’s for dinner?”)

Society prioritizes rational thinking, pragmatism, and data-driven decisions.

And while I believe there is certainly a place for the “hard” information, this way of thinking leads women to believe we have to make the perfect decision every time.

As a business owner, putting yourself out there is part of the territory.

And when you put yourself out there as a business owner, a lot of feelings can come up. You might not feel good enough, or you might think “who am I to do this?”

When you talk about your services, put out a new blog or social media post, or any kind of marketing in general, you’re putting yourself out there.

You’re putting that line in the sand and saying, “I’m out there now,” when you launch your website or Instagram account.

When you start posting about the topics you’re an expert in, or the topics you’re passionate about, now you’re really out there.

And this is where your confidence or lack thereof will enable you or hold you back. You either have the confidence to keep going and being consistent or, something happens and you’re ready to give up.

Maybe you’re afraid to put yourself out there in the first place, so you avoid writing a new blog post or social media post.

Or maybe you did put yourself out there and something happened – you got negative feedback or comments, or no reaction, so it makes you hesitant to keep going.

You might think, “is anyone even reading this? Does anyone even care? Why am I even doing this?”

Spoiler alert: it’s important to be consistent with putting yourself out there. And it all comes back to managing your emotions.

You know the drill – as soon as you come up with an idea for a new program or offering, you have a million reasons why it won’t work or why you can’t do it.

You worry that no one will buy your new online course or enroll in your amazing group coaching program.

You spend hours tweaking your Instagram posts or emails, trying to get the perfect message across.

You lie awake at night wondering if you’re really cut out for this.

You fear you’ll never make enough money - or have enough courage to work your business full time, because deep down, you believe you’re not good enough.

You know what you need to do to grow your coaching business. You’ve learned the strategies and the how-tos, yet something is holding you back from really putting yourself out there.

Where do you want to be six months from now?

Do you believe you have what it takes to get there, or do your beliefs about yourself stand in the way of achieving that goal?

Limiting beliefs are the thoughts you have about yourself, your business, your life, or any given situation that hold you back from achieving what you want.

They prevent you from moving forward toward your goals because you believe you cannot achieve your desires, or that they are not available to you.

If you’re struggling to start something new or achieve a goal you’ve had for years, chances are your thoughts about yourself and your situation may have something to do with it.

Building sustainable confidence doesn’t happen overnight.

You might be saying your affirmations, writing your journal prompts, making a list of your accomplishments, and feeling great.

Then one day, someone calls you “too much” or a presentation doesn’t go as planned or you don’t enroll the new client after a discovery call.

When you don’t have a firm trust in yourself and believe in your capacity for success, one small curve in the path can send you into an impostor spiral.

I get it, because I’ve been there.

In fact, all it took was one feedback session with a former manager where she personally attacked me and my coaching business for me to totally lose all the confidence it took a lifetime to build.

Have you ever been called, “too much?”

How about, “too quiet,” or “too sensitive?”

Those judgements from others about how we should be can erode our confidence.

Especially when they come from people we love and admire.

In Luvvie Ajayi Jones’ new book, Professional Troublemaker: The Fear-Fighter Manual, she says that when someone calls you “too” something, it’s more of a statement on them than it is on you.

Still, it can be hard to remember that in the moment, or when those words begin to fill you with self-doubt.

By knowing and owning who you are, you can begin to build confidence in yourself that withstands hurtful criticism from others.

Because when you stand strong in who you are, no one can take that away from you.

Confidence is a feeling or belief that you can rely on something or someone – including yourself.

It’s a deep trust in your ability to achieve the goals and success you desire, yet so many of us experience lower levels of confidence because we’ve broken trust with ourselves.

And once that trust is broken, it can be hard to get it back.

Here’s the thing about confidence: It can either propel you forward to achieve your dreams or hold you back for fear of failure.

And if confidence is a feeling or belief, you can use the BE YOU Mental Model to identify your Beliefs, Emotions, Behaviors and Effects and make the shifts necessary to build deeper trust in yourself and your ability to be successful.

What would you do with more confidence?

Would you step outside your comfort zone and try something new?

Would you hit “publish” on your first blog post?

Would you matter-of-factly state your prices without fear of rejection?

If confidence doesn’t come easily for you, it might be overwhelming to consider taking powerful action or doing the things that scare you.

In that case, journaling is a great way to build confidence, because when you journal, you begin to deepen your connection with your inner world in a supportive environment.

You start to build trust in yourself, and you start to understand yourself better.

The act of journaling also helps you replace old, negative thought patterns or limiting beliefs with new, empowering thoughts and abundant beliefs.

If you’ve ever paid attention to your thoughts for a day, then you’ve likely noticed some very negative things you tend to think about yourself:

“I ruined dinner again. Everyone will hate this meal! Why do I even bother?”

“I forgot to pay my credit card bill – I’m such an idiot!”

“I don’t know enough to be a health coach. Who would take health advice from me anyway?”

“I haven’t achieved anything in my life. I’m stuck in a job I hate, and I never have enough money. I’m a total failure.”

So much of what we say and think about ourselves is negative. And those negative thoughts influence everything else in your life: Your Beliefs create Emotions, which create Behaviors, which result in Effects.

And the Effects you get reinforce your Belief. So when you believe you’re a failure or you don’t know enough about something, your emotions and behaviors will cause you to act in a way that makes that a reality.

On the other hand, if you believe you have everything you need to be successful or you believe you are smart, capable and talented, your emotions will shift, and so will your behaviors, to allow you to achieve your goals.

Think about the last goal you set for yourself.

Did you push forward past fear, overwhelm and doubt to achieve it?

Or, did your fears, feelings of overwhelm and crushing self-doubt hold you back?

Those thoughts, reinforced over time, come from a scarcity mindset, or the belief that there will never be enough, resulting in feelings of fear, stress, and anxiety.

A scarcity mindset can cause you to limit yourself through your beliefs and actions, preventing you from achieving your biggest goals, keeping you in debt, or destroying your confidence.

You might feel that you don’t know enough, you don’t have the resources, or you’re not good enough to achieve success or build wealth.

You might think, “who am I to go after this dream?”

And if that sounds like you, know you’re not alone, and there’s nothing wrong with you. You just need a subtle shift in your mindset to think more abundantly about your life.

What would you do with more confidence?

Would you boldly pursue your passion and live your purpose?

Would you ask for the raise or promotion you deserve?

Would you put yourself out there to make new friends or attract your dream clients?

Sure, confidence can help you achieve all of those things.

But the truth is: you don’t need confidence to take big steps like that.

In fact, taking the big step creates confidence.

But in between those steps, you can build confidence over time. With smaller, more manageable actions you can start today.

An abundance mindset is the deep belief that you are enough, you have enough, and there is enough to go around for everyone.

If you’re like most women, you might find it hard to stay in an abundance mindset. Especially if you’re struggling with self-doubt or impostor syndrome.

Over a lifetime, you’ve been conditioned to think in a negative or scarcity mindset. You’ve been conditioned to trust fear over faith, lack over abundance, and doubt over confidence.

Your thoughts create your reality. If you believe you’ll never be good enough to go after your dream job or start your own business, you’ll behave in a way that gets you that result.

On the other hand, if you believe that you have enough knowledge, wisdom, strength, and guidance to achieve your goals, you’ll feel confident enough to take powerful action.

The latter is an example of an abundance mindset; a belief that you already have everything you need to be successful.

Impostor Syndrome is a psychological phenomenon involving the belief that you’re inadequate, incompetent, and a complete failure despite evidence that you actually are successful. It’s also the inability to believe that you deserve success or that you achieved success as a result of your own efforts, skills, or expertise.

Impostor Syndrome affects about 70% of the population, and minority groups, including women, people of color, and people being “the first” are disproportionately affected.

How often do you put yourself first?

If you’re like most women I know, then it’s not often.

As women, we’re wired to care about the needs of others, to make everyone around us feel comfortable and taken care of. That’s an important quality of a strong, feminine leader.

That same line of thinking also creates opportunity for comparison. We’re constantly comparing ourselves to those around us, putting others on pedestals, and thinking that their needs are more important than our own.

We think if we selflessly give to others, or sacrifice what we want for what other people want, we’ll get those people to like and respect us. We derive our sense of value from the approval of others.

And in doing so, we’re sending a signal to our brain that we’re not worthy of spending time on ourselves. That we don’t deserve to put ourselves first because other people need us.

Putting someone else’s needs before your own makes you believe, even subconsciously, that they are inherently more worthy than you.

You’ve built up great skills and experience in your current role, and now you’re ready to move on to the next level.

Or maybe you’ve spent the past ten years in the same company or field, and now you’re ready to shift gears and transition to a new industry.

Or perhaps you’re struggling to keep yourself motivated at a job that doesn’t align with your values, or one where your ideas or opinions are constantly challenged.

Whatever situation you find yourself in, you’re ready to look for a new job.

You know the tactical things you need to do before starting your job search – updating your resume and LinkedIn profile, reaching out to former colleagues or mentors to learn about job opportunities, making a list of the top companies or job titles you’ll search for.

But you may be overlooking the most powerful tool in your job search arsenal: your mindset.

“You’re not good enough.”

“No one will pay you for this.”

“Who are you to give people advice on being confident?”

These are just a few of the thoughts that run through my head on a daily basis.

As soon as I became a full-time entrepreneur, I started to question every move, every decision, every program or service I designed.

As a healthcare executive, I rarely questioned myself. I believed in my ability to be successful in my job, and I often heard great feedback on my programs and training from colleagues and supervisors.

But even though I still hear great feedback from my clients and friends, I don’t believe them.

Oh boy, this is a big one.

We’ve all had moments in our lives when fear stopped us from doing something. Whether that was setting up an online dating profile, buying a new car or starting a new job. Think about a time in your life when fear stopped you in your tracks. What thoughts ran through your head? What emotions did you experience?

I’ve pushed through a lot of fearful thoughts in my life: I was afraid to go to college 10 hours away from my family, I was afraid to leave my six-figure job for an uncertain future, and I was afraid to start coaching. My dad passed away in 2011, and the one thing he taught me that I continue to teach others is to always do the thing that scares you.

Because here’s the thing about fear: it’s only as powerful as you make it.

Ever have that feeling that you just don’t fit in?

Maybe it’s at work or with a new group of friends. You try really hard to impress them, you give up part of who you are to be like who they are, but at the end of the day, something doesn’t feel right.

That’s how I felt in my last day job. I knew the organization’s values were different from my own, but I didn’t want that to be an issue because I cared deeply about the work I was doing.

But it was always an issue because I wasn’t being true to myself. My confidence plummeted, I felt like I could never live up to who my boss wanted me to be, and I lost a sense of who I was.

That sense? That’s self-awareness. That feeling that what you’re doing isn’t matching up with who you are on the inside. That inner wisdom that you stand for something bigger, or you’re meant for something more.

Self-awareness is the most important quality any woman can have. When we focus our attention on ourselves, we evaluate and compare our current behavior to our internal standards and values.

Knowing and understanding ourselves are powerful guides toward living our best life. Improving our self-awareness builds confidence to help direct us on our life’s path.

You made it! You’re traveling the world and living your dream life. Remember back in 2016 when you first dreamed of this moment? Remember sitting in your blue paisley chair visualizing how it would feel to make an impact on millions of lives?

You inspire women across the world to believe in themselves and have the confidence to pursue their goals. You teach women in Cambodia, Myanmar, Thailand the skills they need to start their own business. Many underserved communities benefit from your work.

As you know, this didn’t happen overnight. The road to success was not an easy one; there were potholes, pitfalls, ditches, sudden turns.

I’ll be the first to admit it – I don’t always believe in myself.

My inner critic tells me I’m too young to be an expert. That I don’t know enough about business or marketing. That no one will want my services. That I’m not pretty unless I’m wearing makeup.

Sound familiar?

That nasty voice in your head that tells you you’re not good enough to do the thing you want to do is stealing your confidence.

You likely have an idea of how more confidence would impact your life – or you wouldn’t be here.

In case you need a reminder, confidence improves your chances in the dating game and in relationships. It increases our perceived physical attractiveness by others and improves our performance at work. It even improves our mental and physical health.

But we can’t live healthy, confident lives when our inner critic is screaming that we’re not enough.