#ChooseToChallenge Impostor Syndrome
International Women’s Day is celebrated annually on March 8th, and it marks a day to celebrate the social, economic, cultural and political achievements of women around the world.
The 2021 theme is #ChooseToChallenge, and as the official IWD website declares:
“A challenged world is an alert world. And from challenge comes change.”
I couldn’t agree more with that statement!
I’ve been challenging workplace norms my entire career. It hasn’t always been easy, and it’s never been comfortable. But change doesn’t happen inside our comfort zones.
And that’s not just change on a global scale or in your workplace or business.
I’m talking about deep internal change.
It can be hard to challenge the patriarchy when we’re not also challenging ourselves.
Change begins within. With our thoughts, beliefs, and feelings about ourselves.
Many women experience impostor syndrome and other limiting beliefs that hold them back from achieving the goals and dreams in their hearts.
Challenging those beliefs creates change.
Whether you want to live your purpose, start your own business, or stand up for gender equity, it all starts with your belief in yourself.
As Marilyn Monroe said, “Always believe in yourself, because if you don’t, who will?”
Here’s how you can choose to challenge yourself to overcome impostor syndrome:
Identify the Experience
Impostor Syndrome is a psychological phenomenon involving the belief that you’re inadequate, incompetent, and a complete failure despite evidence that you actually are successful. It’s also the inability to believe that you deserve success or that you achieved success as a result of your own efforts, skills, or expertise.
Impostor Syndrome affects about 70% of the population, and minority groups, including women, people of color, and people being “the first” are disproportionately affected.
Why do women experience impostor syndrome? Think about it: One thing women face in the workplace is feeling like we’re not good enough because historically we haven’t been given these opportunities. We haven’t been given the opportunity to be in a leadership role or work in certain fields or industries. Historically, women were not part of the workforce, or they weren’t holding leadership positions if they were working.
Women have only been allowed to vote for the last 100 years. Women of color have only been allowed to vote for little over 50 years. Women were not always allowed to own property or even have their own bank account. Hell, we weren’t even allowed to wear pants to the office!
This has created a lot of firsts for white women and especially women of color. And if you’re doing something for the first time, it can be scary! You don’t have a model of how you’re supposed to act or the steps you should take. The path forward is uncertain, and it’s up to you to pave it.
You constantly doubt your every move and decision, and all that doubt starts to take its toll on you. You feel incapable, incompetent, even foolish for taking on this new role. You may think, “who am I to be a leader/healer/activist?” And ultimately, you may believe you don’t deserve the role you’re in.
You feel like an impostor because you don’t see examples of women like you. You don’t see other women leaders. You don’t see other women at the top or in certain fields and industries. It feels like you can’t have that because you don’t see anyone who looks like you do. When you’re the first, it’s understandable that you’d feel like an impostor because you might not believe that what you have is really yours. You might even think, “what am I doing here?”
Sound familiar? Here are a few more signs you’re experiencing impostor syndrome:
Feeling like a fraud. Because you feel incompetent or inadequate, you feel like a fraud. You assume other people are going to find you out. And find out that you are not as good as they thought you were. You internalize this and your inner critic says things like, “I should just quit before they figure out that I’m not cut out for this.”
Devaluing your own worth. Because you feel inadequate, you might also feel worthless, or like you’re worth less. You might take the first offer instead of negotiating a fair salary. You might do something pro bono instead of charging your regular rates. When you feel incompetent, you don’t feel like you have the right to ask for these things.
Undermining your expertise. Because you feel incompetent, you undermine your own expertise. You might feel like you haven’t “earned” your title, so you stay late and work extra hard to prove your worth. Instead of owning your intelligence and capability, you may continue to enroll in certification, training, or degree programs because you never feel like you know enough.
Did you identify with any of those scenarios? I always say that self-awareness is the foundation for any change you want to make, and that’s just as true for overcoming impostor syndrome or limiting beliefs. You have to recognize your thought patterns and belief systems before you can change them.
Start by paying attention to the thoughts you think throughout the day, specifically the things you say to yourself. Are your thoughts positive and uplifting, encouraging you to keep going? Or, are they negative, doubtful or fearful?
Once you have an idea of how your thoughts are shaping your view of yourself, you can #ChooseToChallenge those thoughts. We’re always free to make a choice about how we see ourselves. Think about how you see yourself now, how you want to see yourself, then consider the gap. What do you need to do to bridge that gap and see yourself as the confident, capable, talented, successful and inspiring woman you are?
Challenge the Evidence
Confirmation bias involves favoring information that confirms your previously existing beliefs or biases. When you form a belief, your brain will look for evidence that supports that belief, real or not.
In the case of impostor syndrome, you believe that you’re not capable of the success you have. So, you might begin to seek evidence that confirms that belief. When you make a mistake, no matter how small, your ego swoops in to remind you that, “See? You’re not as good as they think you are!”
If you’re looking for evidence to support your belief, then you will also ignore evidence to disprove it. For example, when you get 99 pieces of positive, encouraging, uplifting feedback, you will always remember the one negative thing that was said. That’s confirmation bias at work! You’re looking for support to reinforce your beliefs and ignoring everything else. Because, hey, we all love being right!
We all have confirmation bias; it’s an inherent program in the way we process information. Our brains like to take shortcuts when processing so we can save our brain power for important things like making decisions.
But we can reprogram our mind when it comes to impostor syndrome by consciously choosing new thoughts and challenging the evidence we’ve been gathering.
I know that’s easier said than done! Be willing to realize that this is a process. You have spent 20, 30, 40+ years of your life building the thought process you have right now. Rewiring your brain to believe that you are good enough and smart enough to be great at your job and deserving of success will not happen overnight.
You won’t wake up tomorrow and decide that you don’t want to be an impostor anymore or wake up to see that your impostor syndrome is gone. These thoughts are generational and have been passed down from women throughout the ages, and it has been shown to us in society through overt and unconscious bias. It’s going to take work and diligence and being mindful of it to overcome it.
Being aware of your thoughts and what’s coming up for you is the first step in overcoming this. If you’re not aware of why you’re feeling a certain way – thoughts like, “why am I not good at this?” or “why am I struggling so much with this job or project?” – you can increase feelings of being an impostor.
Start to notice your thoughts and identify whether the thought is impostor syndrome, or if you’re really not doing a good job and need to learn more or step up or be more motivated. By recognizing the thought as an impostor thought, you can take powerful action toward reframing the thought or trying one of the below strategies to help you overcome it.
Again, this one’s easier said than done, and it takes time. Rewiring your brain or thought process is your life’s work – to change it, you’ll need to work at it consistently. Your brain has one job – to keep you safe. That’s why it strives to keep you in your comfort zone. And it does that with these impostor thoughts that you’re not good enough.
To rewire your brain, start with positive affirmations. Affirmations give you the opportunity to choose words that help create something positive in your life, such as confidence. Affirmations help you retrain your thinking and speaking into positive patterns so you can truly transform your thoughts and improve your confidence.
Another way to challenge the evidence is to gather new evidence! Get a group of women together. Talk to your mentor. Talk to someone you’re close with. Talk to other women about what you’re feeling and the context in which these feelings are coming up – did you start a new job or project? Do you have a new member of your team? Are you going back to school? Did you get a promotion? What happened, and what’s coming up for you? And just talk about it.
When you feel like you’re doubting yourself and not feeling worthy, you can normalize impostor syndrome by talking about it. I’m willing to bet the other women you speak to will reciprocate and say “yeah, I felt that same way.” Find someone that you feel comfortable talking to and share your feelings and experience.
You can also rewire your brain with the BE YOU Mental Model. It’s a self-coaching tool that explains how your beliefs about something create emotions. Those emotions in turn elicit behaviors. And we all know that every behavior has a consequence, or effect. Your beliefs create emotions, which create behaviors, which create effects (BEBE).
Using this model helps you reframe negative situations by allowing you to see patterns in your thoughts, emotions and behaviors. It helps you understand why you feel like an impostor in certain situations and walks you through creating a better reaction.
Know Your Worth and Your Value
Worth is inherent. You are worthy because you exist, and everyone on this planet has the same inherent worth. Value is where we tend to get confused. Value is the experience and the expertise that you bring to the table in your daily work.
Instead of thinking, “I need to work harder to prove my worth,” remember that you’re actually showing (not proving) your value. You can work hard and own your work and capabilities, and this can remind your brain why you were offered the role as a “first” – for your skills, the expertise you’re lending, the experience you’re bringing to work each day. Remind yourself of your value. Be consistent about the level and quality of work you’re providing, and you won’t have to prove a thing.
You are worthy no matter what. You’re not more worthy because you work 60 hours a week or two jobs or say yes to everything or have five degrees. And you’re not less worthy if you flex your schedule to be able to show up to your kids’ school events or haven’t gotten your Master’s yet.
As Iyanla Vanzant says, “when we feel unworthy, we feel that we have to prove our right to our space, so we overcommit, we overgive, we overdo.” Because we feel we’re unworthy of the promotion or putting ourselves out there as an “expert” or getting paid for the services we deliver.
Let me remind you that you are worthy by virtue of being a human being on this Earth.
You are worthy of the salary you have or the salary you desire whether you put in 30 hours or 60. You are worthy of the promotion whether or not you said, “yes” to every opportunity. You have nothing to prove.
Instead of worrying that you’re unworthy, try focusing on value. It’s a subtle nuance, but value is about what you bring to the table. It could be your strengths, experience, expertise or skillset.
Worth is inherent; we are all worthy. Value is different for each of us, because we all have a unique blueprint of strengths and experience that make us who we are. Identifying this value is another way you can combat confirmation bias and reprogram your beliefs.
In marketing, to prove something’s value, we use a Unique Selling Proposition, or USP. In other words, what makes this product or service stand out from its competitors? Well, I like to use my own version of USP: Unique Soul Perspective.
Your Unique Soul Perspective is the combination of traits, experiences, strengths, passions, purpose and values that make you stand out. That give you an edge. That prove that you have something valuable to offer the world (because you do!).
When you’re connected to something meaningful, something bigger than yourself, you can use that connection to overcome impostor syndrome. Identifying your core values and finding your life purpose are two ways you can get clear on what really matters to you.
And when you’re clear on your purpose and how you’re meant to serve the world, you can align your career or job to your strengths, skills, and expertise. When you’re in a role where you use your strengths and expertise on a daily basis, you start to build confidence in yourself.
Start by identifying your core values. What drives your decision-making? What do you stand for? What guides your life? Use this core values list as a guide, then choose your top five values.
Next, identify your strengths. You can list out what you’re good at, the skills you have, or what you’re experienced in. Or, you can take an assessment like the StrengthsFinder or my Feminine Leadership Styles Quiz.
Finally, document your experiences and accomplishments. This can be tough, but the things you’ve achieved over your lifetime help create a solid track record of your expertise. When you list out your experiences and achievements, you’re gathering new evidence of the amazing person who is totally capable of achieving anything you set your mind to!
So, what is your USP? Being a leader in your field? Being the go-to expert on a specific system or topic? Being the first woman to do something? Leveraging your experience to help someone else? Using your unique perspective to change someone else’s?
And how can you use this unique value to remind yourself that you are capable, competent and worthy of being the first or being successful in your role?
The Takeaway
Impostor Syndrome is a common experience for women, especially if you’re doing something for the first time. Although it might be deeply ingrained in your belief system, you have the power to #ChooseToChallenge those limiting beliefs and instead believe that you are worthy, capable, talented and enough. Period.
Take action now: Choose one of these strategies and test it out for a week. When impostor thoughts come up for you, try your strategy, then journal about your experience. Which of these tips are you excited to try first? Let me know in the comments!
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