4 Steps for Your Next Salary Negotiation
I’m a master asker.
Maybe that’s why I was called “entitled” when I attempted to negotiate my first contract as a new hospital employee. And arrogant, and selfish another time I asked, this time in a much higher position.
Leaders don’t expect women to negotiate, and when they do, we’re met with that double-bind of being liked and respected at work. They liked me before I asked for more, but now, they think I’m entitled.
Well, I am entitled. I’m entitled to being heard. I’m entitled to being paid for the value I’m bringing to this organization. And I’m entitled to fair and equitable treatment at work.
Do we as women always get those things? No – at least that’s been my experience.
So I know why you don’t ask. I know why women are afraid to ask for more. There is very real backlash when women ask.
And, there are so many great opportunities when you do. Those were a few times when negotiation didn’t work for me. But there were many more times I did – like when I negotiated the title of manager plus $10k to stay in my current organization. Or the time I negotiated my first six-figure salary. Or the time I negotiated a sign-on bonus. Or a Director title.
None of that would have been possible if I didn’t ask. Most organizations are not waiting to give you more money, the title, or the recognition. That is the sad truth.
So I know why you don’t ask, and there’s no shame in that. But in this article, I hope to help you make the conversation more comfortable. Because that’s what it takes, expanding your comfort zone just a bit to get what you don’t have right now.
Here are 4 steps for your next salary negotiation:
Why Negotiate?
There are so many people out there encouraging you to negotiate. “Always negotiate!” “You just need to ask!” Obviously, in this article, I’m teaching you how to do it.
And most of the people mean well, but many have it wrong. Maybe you saw this post from a recruiter floating around LinkedIn:
The problem with this is this last line “you never know how much money a company has to work with.”
You’re right – we don’t. And that’s the problem.
Early in my career, I was interviewing for a position at a new organization, where I would be replacing a colleague who was retiring. Fortunately for me, he was willing to share an expected salary range. He encouraged me to ask for something in the $100k-$120k range.
In my then-current job, I was making $80k. If I didn’t have a sponsor encouraging me to ask for more, I’m sure I would have asked for $90k. I had no idea what the range was.
The real problem is that organizations are not transparent about salaries and pay information. Women also face unconscious bias in the hiring and negotiation processes, because leaders don’t expect women to negotiate. And they’re taken aback when we do.
Leaders and recruiters – like the woman who posted this – don’t notice that what they are doing is inequitable and putting women at a disadvantage. They put the blame on women and say “well she should have negotiated.” Instead of creating opportunities to pay equitably, or being transparent about their pay.
It’s not about confidence. It’s about doing what’s right. And still, I’m here to tell you that you need to negotiate. Organizations have a long way to go to address pay equity – and you can’t wait for that to happen.
Common Barriers to Negotiation
I know the thought of asking for more brings up a lot of fears, doubts, and hesitation – especially if you’ve never asked before.
Here are three of the most common barriers to negotiation that I hear from professional women, especially those who have never negotiated before:
Barrier #1: Not having all of the information
Who wants to go into a situation where you’re not prepared? That’s not how you operate at work, so it makes sense that you want to have all of the information possible before you enter a negotiation. And you should!
Barrier #2: Not wanting to brag about yourself
This is so common for women, because we’re socially and systemically conditioned to keep quiet, to stay small, to not take up too much space. It’s especially strong if your parents or teachers or other authority figures have reinforced this for you.
Barrier #3: Not wanting to seem ungrateful for the job/offer
No one wants to seem ungrateful. Especially if you really want the job, you want to express that gratitude and enthusiasm during the negotiation.
These are all understandable – especially because women face real backlash for negotiating. If the other person thinks you’re bragging, they might tell your manager that you’re arrogant or full of yourself. If they think you’re ungrateful, they might give the role to someone else…. It does happen because of unconscious and overt bias.
That’s why I’m sharing my four-step framework that you can apply any time you want to enter a negotiation with confidence and ease.
The Firepower Negotiation Framework
Step 1: Decide What You Want
This first step addresses the first barrier of not having all of the information you need to know exactly what you want to ask for. It seems obvious, but it’s important to call this out.
Everything is negotiable, and you need to truly consider what you’re willing to ask for. The common asks are salary, benefits, PTO, bonus, sign-on bonus, etc. But there are other work-related benefits that are also up for negotiation. Maybe you need flexible work hours because your children are still doing virtual school. Maybe you prefer working from home because you’re over your 2-hour commute. Maybe you want to travel more for work – or less! Maybe the travel is too much.
The second part of this is to decide what you want for your career. Is there something you want more of? Like more flexibility or more time off? Is there anything you want less of? Less going into the office. Less travel. Less busy work. More opportunities to use your strengths.
It helps to consider your core values. If one of your values is family – maybe you want to ask for things that allow you to spend more time with your family or contribute financially to your family. Maybe you value education, so you ask for something that helps you grow as a leader. Maybe you value autonomy or independence. So remote work would be a great option for you. Make it personal, start with your values.
Then, decide how you want to spend your time in your career. Do you want to work full time or part time? Do you want to work on projects or facilitate meetings? Finally, consider where you see your career going. Do you envision staying with the same company for a long time? Do you see yourself in the same position, or changing careers?
Determine Your Limits
Now that you know what you will ask for, it’s time to determine your limits! There are three components to consider:
Best Alternative to a Negotiated Agreement (BATNA): In other words, what will you do if you don’t get what you want? There are always options here. Sometimes, it means staying with the status quo, and sometimes there’s another option. There’s always another option if you’re willing to get creative!
Acceptable Number: What is your cutoff point – the minimum amount you’d be willing to accept? This is the lowest deal you’d accept before choosing your BATNA instead. For example, the lowest salary amount you would accept before finding a different job or deciding to stay in your current job.
Ideal Number: What you’d love to achieve in the negotiation. Something that would make you pop a bottle of champagne in celebration. This should be better than your BATNA, ambitious (a little scary, pushing the limits of what’s possible), and also realistic at the same time - you want it to be something the recruiter or manager might potentially agree to, not something impossible or out of left field. It really shouldn’t be too much higher than your Acceptable Number - maybe $10k-15k more.
Your Acceptable Number is NOT below what you deserve or what the market value is. This is not you settling for a salary! This is the minimum acceptable salary that is still a great salary, it still allows you to live your life, pay your bills, etc. You are NOT settling when you set this number. Let me be very clear about that.
Think about the acceptable number as what you deserve, that’s a good or great number. And the ideal is just that – it would be amazing if they offered you that, but it’s not necessarily an expectation you have. You would still be happy if you got the acceptable number. Because what we don’t want is to create a situation in which you accept the offer and resent the company.
Here are a few strategies for finding the best salary ranges so you can determine your numbers:
Talk to friends who work for the company
Talk to recruiters, HR professionals, others who have the information
Glassdoor, PayScale, Google search
Be sure to use more than one source to verify. If you’re having trouble finding your specific job title on Glassdoor or PayScale, it’s even more important for you to talk to real people about salary expectations. Lean on your colleagues, network, or professional organizations for support.
Step #2: Set the Foundation
This step addresses barrier #2, not wanting to feel like you’re bragging about yourself. It’s all about finding your SPARK, which stands for:
Strengths
Passions
Accomplishments
Resources
Knowledge
Your SPARK helps you build confidence in who you are when you come to the negotiating table. You already have so much experience and expertise, and it’s likely that you haven’t taken the step back to look at it holistically. By doing this, you’ll have evidence of the success you’ve already achieved, so you know you can achieve more in the future.
These are the things that are unique to you – and together, they help set you apart from others in your industry. It’s very unlikely that someone else will have exactly the same combination of traits as you. Which is great news because it’s easy to think that there are already thousands of managers out there, or hundreds of consultants.
The truth is: no one can do what you do the way you do it. No one can teach what you teach the way you teach it. Your SPARK is what allows you to have a unique voice in your industry, and it’s what attracts your dream clients and employers to you.
People will be attracted to you because they like what you stand for, they like your personality, they resonate with you. In many cases, you’ll attract customers and employees and mentees who come to you because they see themselves in you.
This is why it’s so important to BE YOURSELF, especially in salary negotiation. When you are clear on who you are, your strengths, accomplishments, and experiences, you don’t have to brag. You can clearly state why you deserve the salary you’re asking for, and you have the data to back it up.
You can do that through your SPARK Statement. Maybe you’ve heard the term “elevator pitch” before – and this is a similar concept.
It’s not enough to talk about what you do or what you’re good at. You also have to show the results you get, the outcomes you achieve, and the overall transformation your organization experiences because of your work.
A simple formula for the SPARK Statement looks like this:
I help [who] achieve/do [outcomes] so they can [result/transformation].
Here’s mine for example:
I help women leaders in male-dominated companies demolish systemic barriers to equity to create the workplace of choice for women.
Take some time to play around with this framework, then write down your completed SPARK Statement. You can practice saying this statement out loud before your salary negotiation, or you can state it as a reason you deserve what you’re asking for.
Step #3: Practice Your Pitch
Now that you have your SPARK Statement, it’s time to practice! And this step is important because it helps you overcome barrier #3, not wanting to seem ungrateful for the offer.
Most women approach negotiations like this:
The recruiter or hiring manager is above you. You believe they have all the power, because they’re the ones making the decisions, and they have all of the money. And you’re below them, feeling “less than,” feeling powerless because you’re asking for something.
This is the One Up, One Down Concept, coined by Deborah Tannen in her HBR article, “The Power of Talk, Who Gets Heard and Why.” You put the recruiter in the One Up position, and you see yourself in the One Down position.
No one likes to be in the One Down position, so we do things to try to put ourselves in the One Up position. We fake confidence, we try to ask for more than we intended to, and we try to show up as someone we’re not.
But when you try to reverse and be One Up, that doesn’t work either. That’s what makes you feel fake or salesy, trying to convince the other person to give you what you want. That’s when the other person can see you as arrogant or entitled or asking for too much or whatever. And that’s when we feel like maybe we’re not being grateful for the opportunity.
So instead of trying to one up the other person, you need to level the playing field and meet each other on equal terms.
You have something of tremendous value that you’re bringing to the organization. You already created your SPARK Statement, so you know what that value is and how to communicate it. You know you get results and no one can do what you do the way you do it.
The organization needs your expertise; they’re solving a problem or filling a role and they need you specifically because no one can do what you do the way you do it!
You’re both coming to the table because you want to work something out for mutual benefit. It’s not a competition, it’s not a challenge, it’s not a game where one person wins and the other loses.
And I know it’s hard to think this way. It can be difficult to see yourself as valuable if you struggle with confidence or impostor syndrome. My coach, Leah Neaderthal, shares a tool that helps in sales conversations, and you can use this same tool to help you see yourself for the valuable person you are, and one that will help you stay neutral in terms of the negotiation.
The tool is a Peer Anchor. This is a visual representation of how to approach the negotiation conversation – as if you would approach a meeting with your friends or peers. You’re meeting on neutral ground, there’s no competition, no agenda. Just people getting together for mutual benefit.
To create your Peer Anchor, think of an image that represents a time when you’re with friends, where you feel totally comfortable, relaxed, and like yourself. It can be a mental image or a real image that you look at before your negotiation conversation.
Once you have that image, you’re ready for Step 4!
Step 4: Make the Ask
By this step, you have all of the information – you’ve done your research AND determined your Acceptable and Ideal numbers. You’ve also created your SPARK Statement, and you can use it to comfortably and confidently communicate your value, without sounding braggy. And you’ve practiced your peer approach to pay negotiation by choosing your Peer Anchor.
Now it’s time to make the ask! When the recruiter or hiring manager shares the initial offer, thank them and share your excitement about the position. You want to let them know that you are truly interested in moving forward, and that you want the position.
Then, counter with your Ideal Number. This is why you determine your numbers up front, so you know exactly what to counter with. Once you say your number, say nothing! Stay silent until the other person responds. Likely, they’ll have to go back to the hiring manager. If that’s the case, say that you’re looking forward to hearing back.
You can keep the negotiation going back and forth if you like, but at some point, you will need to decide if the offer meets your Acceptable Number, or if you are prepared to choose your BATNA and walk away from the position.
Either way, the steps outlined in this article will give you more confidence and clarity going into your next salary negotiation. In the words of Maya Angelou, “Ask for what you want and be prepared to get it.”
The Takeaway
Preparing for your next salary negotiation can bring up a lot of fear and self-doubt. With this four-step negotiation framework, you can negotiate your next offer with confidence and ease.
Take action now: Start with Step #1 and decide what you want to ask for. Do your research to determine your numbers, then set the foundation by creating your SPARK Statement. From there, you’re ready to practice your pitch and make the ask!