33 Life Lessons from a Life Coach
I’ve always lived by the quote, “Do one thing every day that scares you.” It’s shaped my life in so many ways – from being the first person in my family to go to college, to negotiating my first salary and being called “entitled,” to leaving my lucrative corporate job to run my coaching business full time.
Doing scary things helped me become more confident, advocate for myself, expand my comfort zone, learn new things, and help other women navigate similar circumstances.
Those scary things weren’t always easy, and they often came with mistakes, uncertainty, change, fear, overwhelm and self-doubt. But they always came with a lesson that helped me grow as a leader.
Here are 33 life lessons from a life coach:
1. There is always another option
After I resigned from my lucrative job as a hospital leader, I was interviewing with a consulting company. All signs pointed to this being my next step. Except, it wasn’t. The company had a nationwide hiring freeze, and even though they wanted to hire me, they couldn’t give me an offer. I thought that job was my only option until I did some soul searching and decided to work in my coaching business full time. It was hard, I made maybe a quarter (okay, maybe a fifth) of what I did in my hospital job, but it was another option. Think about where you’re limiting your options. If you take a step back, what could be available to you?
2. Confidence comes from taking action
I’ve always been described as “confident,” and people in my life have always asked me how to be confident themselves. Well here’s the truth: you don’t have confidence before you do something scary. By doing that scary, out-of-your-comfort-zone thing, you become confident. The more scary things you do, the more confident you become. What one step could you take outside your comfort zone that would bring you more confidence?
3. Clarity comes from execution
In a similar vein to the above lesson, clarity comes from execution. If you aren’t sure which direction to take, you will remain stuck until you choose. Only then will you know if it’s the right path for you. This year, I thought I wanted to become a health coach. I thought it made sense, given my background in healthcare and my childhood dream of becoming a doctor. So, I enrolled in a health coaching program, got certified, and changed my entire website (complete with brand new professional photos). And you know what? Nothing about it felt right. I felt like a fraud, it felt inauthentic, and I probably lost a lot of my audience who really just wanted to learn about confidence, mindset and career stuff. It was painful to learn that lesson, but had I not tried to be a health coach, I wouldn’t have realized that my true passion is helping women with their career and mindset. Where do you feel stuck right now? What step can you take to have more clarity?
4. No is a complete sentence
If you’re like most women I know, you may have trouble saying “no” to things. I’ve always struggled with this – I didn’t want to disappoint anyone or let anyone down, so I kept saying yes to attending events I didn’t want to attend. And then I would bail at the last minute. And disappoint my friends. Instead of coming up with lame excuses at the last minute, I decided to try saying “no” from the beginning. Next time you’re faced with an invitation or request that doesn’t align with your goals, try this: “Thank you for thinking of me, but I’m not available.” Or, “Thanks for including me, but I’m not interested.” No flaky explanation needed.
5. Trust the process
Sometimes big life events have a way of knocking us down. It’s hard to see the end goal through disappointment or frustration. But trusting that everything happens for a reason, or that the little steps you take each day will add up to something amazing in the end, can be a powerful motivator to continue pushing toward your goals. Like Leia Organa said in The Last Jedi, “Hope is like the sun; if you only believe in it when you see it, you’ll never make it through the night.” What process do you need to put more trust in?
6. Ask for help
In my current role, I’m constantly tasked with coming up with creative ways to “wow” the client, or create innovative and unconventional deliverables. I often find myself wondering how I will get it done or if I’m really smart enough to be in this role. But my firm has created an amazing culture of collaboration. I frequently get emails from other leaders asking for examples of documents or projects, and it makes it easy to reach out and ask for help when I need it. I’ve made it a habit to ask more questions and ask for help when I don’t understand an assignment, and it’s made a huge difference in my work product. You might ask a colleague to help you with a tough assignment, or ask your partner to help with a household chore. Whatever help you need, know this: it’s not a sign of weakness to ask for help. It’s a sign of strength. What help could you ask for this week?
7. Be flexible
Recently, I was invited to speak at Amazon’s AWS Ladies’ Leadership Group in Seattle. I had a quick flight from DC to Newark, NJ, where I had a short layover before my flight to Seattle. I planned to arrive in the early evening to have dinner with my friend and her husband, and to rest up before my presentation the next morning. As I settled into my seat, I noticed that it started raining pretty hard, and then I saw a streak of lightning. Shortly after, the Captain announced we would deplane. From there, my flight was delayed over 8 hours due to heavy thunderstorms in the area. During the long wait, I actually missed my original flight (that’s a story for another time) and had to rebook to a later flight – the LAST flight to Seattle for TWO DAYS. Finally, at around 11:30pm, just a few minutes after my original flight took off, my new flight followed suit, and I arrived in Seattle around 3:00am. My quick thinking and flexibility allowed me to navigate a stressful situation, and I still arrived on time and fresh-faced for my workshop! Where might you need to be more flexible in your life?
8. Failure is a blessing
I haven’t shared this side of the story with many people, but I resigned from my aforementioned hospital job because I knew I was failing. I didn’t feel supported, I felt like an outsider, and I was struggling with depression. I felt like every decision I made was the wrong one, and I knew my boss didn’t believe in me. It all came to a head during a meeting where I started getting defensive about a program I managed. It was very tense, and I behaved poorly. I’m not proud of it, but it was the wake-up call I needed to recognize that this was not a work environment I wanted to be part of. At first, I felt so much shame around that failure, but now, seeing where I am in my career and life, I am so so grateful. What failure could you shift to see as a blessing? How did it shape your life?
9. Mistakes are magical
Just like failures can teach us a lot about ourselves, mistakes help to pave the way for our success. Mistakes like sending an email to the wrong person, making an error in a report, forgetting to include someone in a meeting, saying the wrong thing out of hurt or anger, while painful, help us grow and develop as leaders. I’ve made countless mistakes this year (hell, just this morning, I screwed up an expense report!), and each one has taught me an important lesson. What recent mistake helped you grow?
10. Stay in alignment
One of the reasons for my failure in my hospital role was that I was totally out of alignment with my core values, beliefs, and purpose. The same can definitely be said for that time I tried to be a health coach. When you’re not in alignment with who you’re meant to be, you start to feel stuck, frustrated, defensive, inauthentic, doubtful, like a fraud. Instead, by living in alignment with who you are, you’ll feel in flow with your career and life. Think about your core values and beliefs. Where are you out of alignment? What steps can you take to get back into alignment? You can take the first step by downloading the free Career Kaizen Workbook here!
11. Whatever you’re not changing, you’re choosing
I should have made this number one, because it’s been the biggest kick in the butt for me this year, especially when it comes to my emotions. When I find myself feeling down or beating myself up for something trivial, I often keep ruminating on it to keep myself in that state of mind. Sometimes it feels good to feel down. But you know what feels even better? Recognizing that you have the power to control how you feel. You can choose another feeling. A positive one. And that’s all it takes. Choose self-love over self-hatred. Choose optimism over hopelessness. This goes way beyond the way we feel, too. If you don’t like your job or how much you weigh or the partner you’re with, or the house you live in, and you’re not doing anything to change it, you’re still choosing those things. What would it look like if you made a different choice? What one thing could you do to take a step in a new direction?
12. If you don’t ask, the answer is always no
Don’t you love how we often assume things to be true? “My boss will never give me a raise.” “My dream mentor is too busy to meet me for coffee.” “My partner will never let me quit this job.” “They won’t let me swap the chicken for salmon instead.” No matter how big or small your question, you won’t truly know the answer until you ask. The answer might still be “no,” but at least you took a step outside your comfort zone and asked the question. I think you’ll be surprised how many “yeses” you get. What have you been avoiding asking for? When will you take action and ask?
13. If you want to change your energy, change your position
Similar to #11, if you’re feeling anxious, overwhelmed, frustrated, depressed, or bored, it helps to get up from wherever you’re sitting and move. Personally, I like to take the opportunity to put on some Queen and dance around my living room, but you could do jumping jacks, do some light stretching or yoga, go for a run, or take your dog for a walk. The subtle act of moving distracts our brains from whatever negative spiral we had on repeat in the first place. It allows us to choose another thought or emotion, or just be present and enjoy the movement. What’s your favorite way to move?
14. Pay attention to who you surround yourself with
The people in our lives have a huge impact on how we feel, what we think, what we spend time doing, how we react to stressful scenarios, and even our health. I noticed this to be true while working in a toxic environment. In the job before that, I led a monthly Lean In Circle of women from my organization, where we supported each other on our career goals. When I took a promotional opportunity at a different hospital, I didn’t have that support system. Instead, I had people who complained about everything (including having family visit for Thanksgiving!), people who shot ideas down, people who tore others down, and people who went behind everyone’s back to get what they wanted. We don’t always get to choose our coworkers, but it’s important to find people who lift you up – whether they’re at work or not – and encourage you to be your best self. Take an inventory of the people you spend the most time with. Are they filling your energy cup or draining it?
15. Change your environment, change your life
While at that toxic work environment, the only thing keeping me there was my 6-figure paycheck. Until I eventually realized that the money wasn’t worth the cost to my physical and mental health. Blake and I moved to Alexandria, VA to be closer to his job, which meant downsizing from a 4-bedroom townhouse to a 2-bedroom apartment. The apartment was nice, but we were used to having space (and I know the boys hated it, which made me feel like a terrible cat mom). After about 18 months in that apartment, we finally had the means to move back into a townhouse. At first, I was worried about how we would pay for it, but I had faith that something would work out. Within two months of moving in, I landed my dream job at a management consulting firm and got my 6-figure salary back, and Blake got a well-deserved and very overdue promotion, and hit his first 6-figures. We jokingly call this house our “Wealth Growth House” because it has already given us so much in the few months we’ve lived here. The energy we feel from a new, larger space attracted more positivity into our lives. You may not have the option to move or change your living space right now, but think about how you could apply this lesson. How could you transform your living space to bring more joy and energy into your life?
16. What you appreciate, you get more of
The Wealth Growth House is a prime example of this lesson. When we first moved into the apartment, I complained about the size of the apartment, having to sell some of our old furniture (I still miss that fire pit!), the stacked washer/dryer that ruined most of our clothes, the noise in the hallway, and smells seeping through the kitchen vents. #apartmentlife It wasn’t until we got serious about moving back into a townhouse that I realized that my negative attitude was keeping me in a state of lack, frustration, and hopelessness. One day, listening to The Success Principles, I came face to face with this realization. I immediately grabbed my journal and started writing down all of the reasons I was grateful for the apartment. I kept this gratitude practice going every night before I went to bed, and eventually, I had a genuine sense of appreciation for the small apartment. And by recognizing my gratitude for my current space, the Universe led me to an even better space. Where are you feeling stuck or hopeless? How can you apply this lesson to bring more gratitude and appreciation to the situation?
17. You can always change your mind
I started this year by enrolling in a health coaching certification program and announced that I would go back to school to get my PhD in Mind Body Medicine. Okay, maybe it’s the Sagittarius in me that’s so comfortable with my changing whims, but even if you’re an uncompromising Taurus, it’s okay to let go of projects (or people) who no longer serve you. You can always start again. Is there a situation you’re forcing? What would happen if you gave yourself permission to change your mind?
18. Love yourself first
One morning, while working full time in my business, I walked by a mirror in my hallway and said, “OMG I look tired and disgusting!” I hadn’t washed my hair, I was still wearing the previous day’s makeup, and I was still in my pajamas. As I walked toward the bathroom, that thought kept playing over and over in my mind. But as soon as I stepped into the shower, it hit me (where all my best ideas usually do) – “No! I look like someone who is working really hard for her dreams to come true. I look like an entrepreneur!” Months of positive affirmations, mindset shifts, and daily gratitude practice finally paid off – I knew what self-love truly felt like. It wasn’t just about loving the way I looked (no matter how I looked) it was the ability to allow myself the grace to catch my negative thought, forgive it, and move on. Self-love is loving all of yourself, even the imperfect parts. And it’s the first step toward believing in yourself. How can you cultivate radical self-love today?
19. Your thoughts create your reality
During the interview process for my current job, I constantly had a nagging fear in the back of my mind. I got an offer, but it was contingent on passing background and reference checks. I panicked – I knew they would call my former manager (the one who didn’t believe in me), and I was terrified at what she would say. I believed that she would say I wasn’t ready to be a leader, that I didn’t set a good strategy, and that I didn’t listen to other people’s opinions. I felt hopeless, like I had no control over the situation, and fearful that this manager would always have this hold over me. That week, I couldn’t sleep, I constantly worried that I wouldn’t get the job. The effect? I was mentally and physically exhausted, distracted at work, and miserable. Then I realized, I have the BE YOU Mental Model in my arsenal. I consciously shifted my thoughts to, “She is a good person. She would never sabotage me this way.” And I started to feel better – hopeful, curious, creative. I decided to email her to let her know about the reference check process and asked to set up a brief call with her. The effect? She accepted my invitation for a phone call and told me how one of my projects made a huge difference for the hospital, and that she would certainly share that with the interviewer. How could a simple shift in your thoughts create a more positive reality for you? Pssst – don’t know about the BE YOU Mental Model? It’s a secret I share exclusively with clients and women on my email list. Sign up here to learn more!
20. Start from where you’re at
If you’re anything like me, then you have mega goals. I mean, closing the gender pay gap is a pretty big goal, and one that will not be achieved overnight. I may not have the organizational oversight or political power to change how women are paid in my company, country, or the world, but I still have something to contribute. I can help women make more money by believing they are worthy of it. I can help women rise to higher levels of leadership by teaching them how to use their natural strengths to lead differently. And I can do things like mentor women, hire women, promote women, and lead my bi-weekly Inner Circle sessions for encouragement and support. If I get caught up thinking about how I don’t have the power to close the gender pay gap, I will miss all of the smaller ways I’m contributing to the same end goal. What skills and talents do you already have that will help you take small actions toward achieving a mega goal?
21. There is never a perfect time
If you’re waiting for a sign from the Universe, or an email from your manager, or until you make a certain amount of money, or until you’ve spent 5 years in your current role, you may be missing out on opportunities to grow, develop, make more money, meet new people, or change more lives. There is no “right” time to change jobs, or ask for a promotion, or start a side hustle, or go back to school. Start before you’re ready. Take action and move forward now. What have you been waiting for?
22. You already have everything you need
Like in the above lesson, we often feel like we need more education, or a certain certification, or a specific number of years in the field in order to apply to a new job or get promoted. Do you think men worry about that? No. They see a job they’re interested in, and they apply, even if they don’t have all of the qualifications. When I applied for my current role, I did the same thing. I didn’t have the two years of consulting experience required on the job posting, but I did have many years of “internal consulting” that I knew made me a great fit for the role. I pushed myself to translate these skills onto my resume and got a call from the recruiter. I had to go through an extra round of interviews, but in the end, everyone agreed that my skills and experience did translate to what they were looking for, and I got the job. You already have everything you need. You just have to believe it’s there and take action. What skills, talents and experience do you already have that can help you get a job or promotion you love?
23. It’s okay to take a break
I took a year off from my career path to work in my coaching business full time. I often refer to it as a sabbatical, because I learned so much about myself, what I wanted in life, and what my next career step would look like. I also sharpened my coaching and leadership skills. Many women worry about leaving the workforce, having to “start over,” after taking a break. Instead, think about how a break could help propel you into a career you love. One where you look forward to going to work each day. Think about what skill you want to hone or an experience you want to have that could lead you closer to the career you dream of. Even if your break is to raise children – what lessons can you learn and leverage as a parent? Consider how a break can work in your favor, and take time to journal about this topic.
24. Never give up on your dreams
Sometimes, like in the above lesson, life forces you to take a break. You may find yourself on a different path than the one you set out on. You may need to take a step back, reevaluate, and begin again. If you have a dream or burning desire in your heart, something you can’t stop thinking about, something that energizes and inspires you, it’s not by accident. You have this desire because you have the gifts, strengths and experience to achieve it. Perhaps it’s your purpose. And if we all lived our purpose, every need in the world would be met. So take a break, pause, reflect, but don’t quit. Because as Marie Forleo says, “the world needs that special gift that only you have.” What dream keeps you going?
25. Be your own best advocate
I was recently talking to a colleague who mentioned he had had 4 cups of coffee that day because the doctor he was working with kept buying them for him. I said, “If you didn’t want more coffee, couldn’t you have asked for water instead?” It’s a silly example, but we do this all the time. As women, we’ve been conditioned over generations to play small, to not be seen or heard. But enough is enough. Ask for what you want. Speak up if you don’t want something or if something feels wrong. Tell your manager about the successful project you led or your stellar end of month results. Talk about how amazing your team is under your leadership. No one else can do this for you. It’s up to you to shine a light onto your success. How can you advocate for yourself this week?
26. Find your inner voice – and listen to her
As women, we are blessed with an amazing gift: our intuition. Call it a gut feeling, an inner knowing, your Spidey sense. We all have it. The key is in how we use it. A few years ago, my manager told me about a promotional opportunity at another hospital. My first reaction was, “I can’t work there.” But you know from reading this, that I took the job for the money, and it ended up being a terrible place for me to work. Had I listened to my inner voice, perhaps I could have saved myself a lot of stress and heartache. What is your intuition telling you about a particular person or situation?
27. Know when to walk away
Whether it’s from a toxic work environment, a narcissistic boss, a wrong-for-you partner, or a project or business opportunity, it’s important to know your limits. Taking a page from the lesson above, listen to your inner voice – are you forcing things to happen, or are they happening naturally? Does the situation feel easy and effortless, or is it a constant source of stress or panic? When something feels off in your career or life, it probably is. Learning to distinguish when it’s just fear talking or if it’s really not right for you is key. Is it time for you to walk away from something?
28. Fear is not the boss, you are
We’ve all had moments in our lives when fear stopped us from doing something. Whether that was setting up an online dating profile, buying a new car or starting a new job. Think about a time in your life when fear stopped you in your tracks. What thoughts ran through your head? What emotions did you experience? My dad passed away in 2011, and the one thing he taught me that I continue to teach others is to always do the thing that scares you. Because here’s the thing about fear: it’s only as powerful as you make it. A fascinating thing about fears is that if you face them courageously, they diminish. The key to overcoming fears is to face them quickly and bravely, without giving yourself time to be afraid. Feel the fear and do it anyway. What fear could you face head on?
29. You can’t always do it on your own
When I decided to leave my hospital job and pursue my coaching business full time, I had no idea what I was doing or if I would be good at it. I had to trust the process, sure, but what I really needed was guidance. Guidance can come in many forms. For me, I enrolled in Marie Forleo’s B-School to get the business and marketing training I needed, I asked for feedback from clients and fellow students, I started a mastermind group with other women entrepreneurs, and I constantly asked the Universe for guidance and support. You might seek guidance from a higher power, mentor, therapist, or coach. You might join a Meetup (you can join mine here) or other group for support and encouragement. Know that together, we rise. Together, women can build each other up and help one another achieve our most precious goals and desires. Who can you lean on for support?
30. Gratitude is the cure for everything
When I resigned from my toxic job, initially, I felt like a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders. I felt relieved, like I could breathe again. But those initial feelings of elation wore off as I spent more time alone with my thoughts. I started to feel shame, disappointment, like a failure. I needed something to rediscover my joy. That thing was gratitude. I started a daily gratitude ritual each night before I went to bed. I wrote down five things I was grateful for each day. I started off with the normal things like “family,” “a roof over my head,” and “good friends.” And as I learned more about gratitude and saw the impacts of my ritual on my life, those things turned into, “I’m grateful for a supportive husband,” and “I’m grateful for the opportunity to pursue what I love.” Practicing gratitude makes us more aware of the good things in our life and attracts more good things to us.
31. There’s no substitute for good health
I learned this one the hard way! While in a job I was miserable in, I started having stomach pain. I chalked it up to all the bad food I ate while my sister was visiting, but it continued. Finally, when the pain woke me up in the middle of the night, Blake took me to the emergency room. I thought it was my appendix, but I was diagnosed with Irritable Bowel Syndrome. It made sense. I had struggled with stomach issues most of my life. What I didn’t realize was that the stress of my toxic work environment was wreaking havoc on my mental and physical health. I started a new diet called the low-FODMAP elimination diet to figure out what foods were also contributing to my symptoms. I’m so glad I took that step, even though giving up pasta, bread and pastries was devastating at the time. Now, I’m sleeping through the night, I’m in control of what I eat and how I feel, I’m managing my stress and my symptoms, and I’m feeling better than ever! Is your career affecting your health? How can you take back control?
32. Giving is more important than getting
I’ve always believed in this mantra. My sorority teaches us that “to receive much, you must give much,” and that motto has served me so well in business. I have a Woman for Woman business model where for every woman who purchases one of my coaching packages or services, I give the same service to a woman in need. I partner with Empowered Women International, here in the DC area, to provide free business coaching and mentorship to their Entrepreneur Bootcamp and Entrepreneur Training for Success programs. My favorite part of this partnership is teaching my 6-week confidence training program to their ETS graduates, who represent many different countries and cultures. I also unabashedly promote causes and women I believe in. Last year for International Women’s Day, I wrote an article about different organizations to support. One of those organizations was Women for Women International, who saw my article on Thrive Global. They invited me to attend their annual Match Her Courage Luncheon in NYC to write an article about the event and promote their new fundraising campaign. While there, I had the incredible opportunity to meet and interview the legendary Marianne Williamson. And my article was published in Ms. Magazine. All of that from giving back. Think about causes you’re passionate about. How can you give your time, talents or treasure to make the world a better place?
33. There is only one path
If you hang out with me IRL, you’ll hear me say this a lot. It’s a piece of wisdom I took from my husband, Blake, and I think it sums up the rest of these lessons very well. Sometimes we beat ourselves up for the “shoulda, woulda, coulda,” like when I said I should have listened to my intuition when it told me not to take a certain job. But taking that job was my path. The lessons I learned from that environment and from the journey that followed were invaluable to my growth and development as a leader. That job allowed me to lead a team of inspiring, kick-ass women. That job allowed me to pay off debt and save up for a 2-week trip to my favorite place in the world, Abu Dhabi. That job taught me about how to show up as the most authentic, passionate, positive, inspiring woman I can be. That job allowed Blake and I to move to the DC area, a lifelong dream of ours. Although it was one of the most painful experiences of my life, second only to losing my dad, it was one of the most powerful and important lessons I needed to learn on my one and only path. The mistakes we make and the lessons we learn and the hard things we go through are the path. They are there to teach us, mold us, develop us, and guide us. Stop thinking about what you wish you would have done differently. There is only one path.
The Takeaway
Our one path in life is a goldmine of important life lessons to help us grow as leaders. These lessons shape how we relate to the world and how we show up as empowered, authentic versions of ourselves.
Which of these lessons resonated with you the most? What new lesson did you learn this year? Please share it in the comments. I’d love to hear from you!
