How to Get Paid What You Deserve (Part 1)

Three years ago, I wrote a blog about how to close the gender pay gap.

In that article, I shared that, based on current progress, gender parity was more than 200 years away.

I’m happy to share this year that we’ve made progress! Gender parity is now just 99.5 years away, according to the WEF’s 2020 Global Gender Gap Report.

And while I’m thrilled to know that many countries have made huge strides in advancing women in leadership and politics, we still have a long way to go.

I still want to see parity in my lifetime, and that means focusing not only on the advancement of white women, who make 79 cents for every white male dollar, but of Black women, who make 62 cents per dollar, and Latinx women, who make just 55 cents per dollar.

In this two-part series, I’ll share my thoughts on how both women+ as individuals and companies can each do their part to close the gender pay gap.

Make no mistake – companies perpetuate the stereotypes and systems preventing women from earning what we deserve, and much of the onus is on these companies to create equity for their female and non-binary employees.

But these systems take a toll on our beliefs about ourselves and our sense of self-worth. So it’s important for every woman+ to start with their mindset and what they believe they deserve.

Women+ have the power to change the world, but we won’t make the impacts needed if we don’t believe in ourselves.

So in Part 1 of this series, I’m sharing four ways you can own who you are and make simple shifts to build a strong sense of self-worth that gets you paid!

Here’s how to get paid what you deserve:

Makeover Your Money Mindset

When I think about what we as individuals can do to get paid what we deserve, this is the first place I like to start: with your money mindset.

Your money mindset is your unique set of beliefs, thoughts and feelings about money. It’s your overall attitude toward money, which is likely subconscious. This mindset drives all of the decisions you make about money, and the actions you take, whether spending, saving, investing, or earning money.

Your Money Mindset boils down to two options: a scarcity mindset or an abundance mindset. you can have a money mindset that’s rooted in scarcity, or the belief that you’ll never have enough, or you can have a money mindset rooted in abundance, the belief that there’s more than enough to go around. 

If you have an abundance mindset when it comes to money, you’ll likely think thoughts like:

• “I always have enough money to pay my bills and take care of myself.”

• “There’s more than enough to go around.”

• “I enjoy giving to my friends and family when they’re in need.”

• “I take control of my money.”

• “Money makes the world a better place.” 

And if you have a scarcity mindset toward money, you might think:

• “I never have enough money.”

• “I can’t afford that.”

• “There’s no way I’d lend money to my friends or family.”

• “I’m not good with money.”

• “Money is the root of all evil.”

And, like a scarcity and abundance mindset, it’s not an absolute. You may not always think in one mindset. You could have scarcity-minded thoughts about saving money or investing money, and you may have abundant-minded thoughts about giving money or spending money.

If you find yourself thinking scarcity-minded thoughts about money most of the time, then the first place to start is to makeover your money mindset.

First, consider where your beliefs about money come from. For most of us, our belief systems start early in our childhood. Many of us inherit the beliefs, thoughts and habits of our parents, and we are also highly influenced by our environment and those we spend the most time with.

So, if your parents always told you, “money doesn’t grow on trees!” or you spend a lot of time with your friend who constantly complains about being broke, there’s your first clue. Identify where those thoughts are coming from, then ask yourself if you truly identify with them. Do you believe “money doesn’t grow on trees,” or do you believe there’s more than enough to go around?

Next, pay attention to the thoughts you think about money. And see if you can consciously choose a new, better-feeling thought. Remember, your thoughts create emotions which create behaviors, which lead to the results you’re getting in your life. By changing your thought, you can change your reality.

The next time you catch yourself saying, “I can’t afford that,” choose an empowering thought like, “I choose to prioritize my spending on something else,” or “I can afford that; it’s just not that important to me right now.”

Or, if you worry that making more money will make you greedy, uncaring or unscrupulous, take a few moments to journal about all of the amazing things you could do with more money. How would more money impact your life? If you made more money, how would that impact your family? How would you share your resources with the world?

Finally, appreciate the abundance you already have. You can look at where you are right now and feel discouraged or defeated, or you can take the perspective that you already have everything you need – and there’s more to come.

An abundance mindset starts with a deep sense of gratitude for the good things we already have in our life. And that feeling of gratitude can help shift your mindset to believing that you are already abundant – no matter how much money you have in your bank account.

Do you have a roof over your head? Food on your table? An education? You’re better off than many people. And those of us who aren’t living on less than $2.50 per day (like the one billion people around the world) have a lot to be grateful for – even if it’s not where you want to be.

Spend more time appreciating what you already have. You can write down five or ten things you’re grateful for, or the things that make you feel abundant. It doesn’t have to be the amount of money you make – you might feel abundant when you buy the $8 ice cream instead of the $2 ice cream at the grocery store. You might feel abundant when you can give to the cause you love or help a friend in need, or when you can finally afford the designer purse you’ve been window shopping online.

Abundance looks different to everyone, so start noticing what makes you feel abundant, and do more of those things!

Related: How to Shift from a Scarcity Mindset to an Abundance Mindset

Know Your Worth and Your Value

Once you start making progress with your money mindset, you might start to feel guilty for asking for more money. Especially when you think about the one billion people living on $2.50 or less per day.

You might think, “who am I to ask for more when there are so many people suffering and people who need this more than I do?”

It’s a valid thought. This belief, that you don’t deserve your dreams, implies that some people are worth more than others. That some people are more deserving of things than other people. That would mean that some people are better than other people. Which is simply not true.

Instead, shift your thoughts to believe that everyone is worthy. Everyone is deserving of everything in the world simply because they exist. Danielle LaPorte says that because we are of God and of the Universe, that we are Worth itself. All of us. No matter who we are or how much money we earn.

There may always be suffering. But you get to choose which part of that suffering you want to change. You can start by alleviating your own suffering, then move on to a cause you care about. Giving money can help you feel more abundant.

You can choose guilt and comparison because you don’t believe you’re worthy of what you have, or you could choose to use your resources to make an impact in the world. You could choose to shrink and not share yourself with the world, or you can authentically live your purpose and create opportunities for others to share in your abundance. Which choice feels more empowered?

And because you are Worth itself, you are worthy no matter what. You’re not more worthy because you work 60 hours a week or two jobs or say yes to everything. And you’re not less worthy if you flex your schedule to be able to show up to your kids’ school events.

As Iyanla Vanzant says, “when we feel unworthy, we feel that we have to prove our right to our space, so we overcommit, we overgive, we overdo.” Because we feel we’re unworthy of the raise, the promotion, or the new client.

Let me remind you that you are worthy by virtue of being a human being on this Earth.

You are worthy of the salary you have or the salary you desire whether you put in 30 hours or 60. You are worthy of the promotion whether or not you said, “yes” to every opportunity. You have nothing to prove. You are Worth itself.

Instead of worrying that you’re unworthy, try focusing on value. It’s a subtle nuance, but value is about what you bring to the table. It could be your strengths, experience, expertise or skillset.

Worth is inherent; we are all worthy. Value is different for each of us, because we all have a unique blueprint of strengths and experience that make us who we are. 

And you might think, “well if I’m working more hours for my company, aren’t I providing more value?”

Yes and no. Sure, you might be producing more work or leading more sales meetings or running more reports, but at what cost?

Let’s say you’re making $75,000 per year. If you work a typical 40-hour work week, that’s about $36 per hour. Now, let’s say you consistently work 60 hours per week. Your hourly rate now drops to $24. It doesn’t REALLY drop, but if you’re salaried, you’re not making more money for working more hours.

And, if you’re burned out because you’re overcommitting, saying yes to everything, or working on projects you have no interest in, you’re probably not bringing your “A game” to work.

You bring more value to your role when you’re using your strengths, when you’re rested, when you’re on fire, when you feel clear and creative. And you bring less value to your role when you’re exhausted, foggy, confused or unfocused.

Here’s that nuance again: You are worthy whether you bring your “A Game” or your “Zero F Game.” But you contribute more value when you’re engaged at work.

So, what is value to you? Working in a role where you get to use your strengths every day? Being a leader in your field? Being able to log off at 5pm to attend the school play? Having your lunch hour free to join a virtual yoga class? 

And what value do you bring to your role (or the role you desire)? What unique set of skills, strengths and expertise do you have? What experiences give you a unique perspective? 

Negotiate Like a Pro

Speaking of worth and value, it’s time to negotiate for the value you bring to your role! 

According to LeanIn.org, women who consistently negotiate earn more than those who don’t over their lifetimes. In addition, 80% of recruiters report that candidates who negotiate make a much better impression than those who don’t negotiate.

Negotiating is a major strategy women+ can use to help to close the gender pay gap, but despite these benefits, women are still hesitant to negotiate. And when they do, they often ask for less. Why? We anticipate pushback, resistance and an unfavorable outcome.

In many cases, women experience more pushback than men because of workplace stereotypes. Men are often associated with agentic stereotypes: when they negotiate or advocate for themselves, they are seen as confident, assertive and independent.

On the other hand, women are more often associated with communal stereotypes: in the workplace, they’re seen as warm, nurturing, relationship-oriented and sensitive. So, when women negotiate or advocate for themselves, they are more likely to be seen as pushy and unlikeable.

And because we know this, or maybe, like me, you’ve experienced this yourself, it makes future negotiation attempts scary and awkward.

Keep the benefits of pay negotiation in mind before and during your conversation. Think about how you will personally benefit from the conversation. Why are you negotiating in the first place? What about that is important to you? What do you hope to gain or achieve?

Then, prepare for a pay negotiation conversation just like you would for a job interview. Knowledge is a weapon; arm yourself. Do your homework. Anticipate the pushback and prepare your responses.

Start with taking an inventory of what you bring to the table. Think about your past experiences in the organization, specific projects that made a difference, any dollars earned or saved for the company.

Then, assign value to those accomplishments. Think about the amount of time you spent on each meaningful project and if the project resulted in significant revenue or savings. Use those figures to your advantage when preparing for the conversation.

Your supervisor might not be aware of the specific contributions you made in each project or assignment. This is your opportunity to educate them and advocate for yourself. It’s not about bragging or selling yourself. This is an honest, up front account of how the company benefits by having you on the team.

As we learned earlier, we often avoid these conversations because we fear pushback and resistance. But confidence comes from taking action, so it’s important to anticipate the pushback and prepare your responses in advance.

Think about how you would respond if your supervisor says:

• “It’s not in our budget this quarter.”

• “This is the standard salary for someone in your position or with your years of experience.”

• “You’re already at the maximum of the salary range for this position.”

• “This is the best we can do.”

Just like you would write down your responses to interview questions, write down your responses to the above reactions, then start practicing your responses out loud.

And speaking of practicing, we often avoid negotiation because it makes us nervous or scared, and the good news is we can reduce anxiety by practicing.

Start by practicing in a low-stakes situation. You could practice with a trusted friend or advisor by having them serve as the other negotiating party. Have your prepared responses ready, then begin the conversation.

You could also practice these skills by negotiating for things outside of the workplace. Try asking for a discount the next time you book a hotel room or get your hair done. Ask about any added bonuses when you sign up for a gym package or certification course.

There’s a great story in Jack Canfield’s The Success Principles where he talks about a conference he attended where everyone was given a colored notebook. The one he was given was yellow, but he wished he had a blue one instead. Then, the speaker announced that if anyone in the audience disliked the color notebook they were given, they were free to switch with someone next to them so they could get exactly what they wanted. Jack turned to the woman next to him and said, “excuse me, would you mind trading your blue notebook for my yellow one?” To which the woman replied, “not at all! I actually prefer yellow. I like the brightness of the color.” Imagine how your life might look if you always asked for exactly what you wanted.

It doesn’t matter what you ask for. The point of practicing in a low-stakes situation is simply to get comfortable with asking for exactly what you want.

Related: 8 Practical Tips for Your Next Pay Negotiation

Set Your Prices Intentionally

The final strategy for women+ to close the gender pay gap is being intentional about setting your prices. If you’re a business owner, especially in a service-oriented field, this one’s for you!

This all ties back into the concepts of worth and value. When we don’t feel worthy of charging for our services, we end up devaluing our expertise. Many of us don’t feel like we deserve to charge for helping others, especially in healing professions or when the business is a side hustle and not our main source of income.

Many of us would rather treat our business as a hobby, providing free or discounted services because we don’t feel like experts, or we want everyone to like us, or we just want to help anyone in need.

These thoughts tend to stem from the value society places on women, in the workplace and at home. Women traditionally did not hold leadership positions, and if they did, they were paid at a lower rate today (hence, the gender pay gap we still have today).

And in the home, women were meant to be seen and not heard. Women were not encouraged to have their own voices or opinions or ideas. And in some countries and cultures, this still rings true today.

Remember those agentic and communal stereotypes? They’re at play here, too. Women display more of the communal stereotypes like being nurturing and relationship oriented. When we dare to call ourselves the expert or when we charge for a service we provide, we might be afraid that others will see us as pushy, domineering or unlikeable.

So, we undercharge and overgive. See how it goes back to worth and value? We try to prove our worth by overcommitting and end up underearning. I think it’s time we break that cycle!

Start by reviewing your current pricing structure. How do you feel about what you’re charging? Do you feel confident, empowered, or abundant? Or, do you feel frustrated, resentful, or defeated?  

Leaning in to how you feel about your prices is one key to truly understanding the value you bring. Let’s say you had a new client consult, and when you shared the cost of your program, the potential client was shocked and said they didn’t think it would cost that much, and they can’t afford it.

So, you quickly say you’re running a special where the program is now 50% off and they sign up with you. A few weeks into the program, you start to feel resentful because you know your program is life-changing, and this client isn’t taking it as seriously as clients who paid full price. Sound familiar?

When you feel unworthy and you charge less than the value of your program or service, that energy impacts everyone around you. Your client isn’t taking the program seriously because subconsciously, they don’t believe it’s as valuable now that it’s discounted. And your family might notice the resentment or frustration you’re feeling, too.

So instead, choose a price that feels empowering to you. And put it on your website. That way, when people review your services, they have an idea of the pricing structure up front, and they will be less likely to try to get a discount.

Not sure where to start in setting your prices? There are lots of great resources on pricing psychology, and I encourage you to check those out. Here’s a good rule of thumb I learned when I first started my coaching business: when you’re first starting out, take your current or most recent hourly rate from your employer (salary divided by 2,080 hours), then double it.

So if your salary is $75,000, your hourly rate is $36. Your new hourly rate in your business would be $72 (or you could round up to a cool $100). Then from there, you could adjust based on years of experience, certifications, etc.

If you don’t have a recent salary from an employer, do a little research instead. Check out PayScale or Glassdoor to find comparable salaries for roles similar to yours, or check out your competition!

The Takeaway

While there are systemic barriers causing the gender pay gap, and companies still have a long way to go to reach gender parity, our individual commitment starts with shifting our money mindset. From there, we can acknowledge our worth, determine our value, then ask for and charge what we deserve. Women+ have the power to change the world – and more money means greater impact.

Take action now: Start with your money mindset – what scarcity thoughts can you shift to abundant thoughts? How can you begin to think differently about worth vs. value? Grab your journal and consider the following questions:

• When do I have scarcity-minded thoughts about money?

• What empowering, abundance-minded thoughts could I choose instead?

• Where am I already abundant in my life?

• What would I do with more abundance? How would I change the world?

And stay tuned for next week’s post, How to Get Paid What You Deserve (Part 2), which will highlight what men+ and companies can do to create more pay equity in the workplace.

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